I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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