I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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