there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize