the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
handjob tips. give me some.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
