fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
wanna go halves on a baby?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
