Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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