It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
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