Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
