What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
my poor anus
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
