Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
