summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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