There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
