You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
