He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Help. Why am I so naked?
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