She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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