Define "chronic" masturbator.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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