So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
