I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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