Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
