There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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