Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
