Having a random hookup so left but love u
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
