He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
