FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You pole danced in your parka.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
