My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
