My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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