honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
