he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
