I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
