i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Randomize
