Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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