so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
