Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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