a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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