i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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