dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
