He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He called his prostate his "boner button".
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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