Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
