I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
