Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
