I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize