Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
