i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
