just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Randomize