i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
