margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
