I look better un-naked...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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