Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
