I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
