Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
