i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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