my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
