dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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