If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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