The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
