I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
