Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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