Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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