I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
