I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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