I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
