I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Use "feeling words"
Yay
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
