...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Randomize