you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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