You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
