I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
