garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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