I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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