I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
