Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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