I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
