I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
