Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
