I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
