phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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