if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
