'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
